When you’re in a loving relationship, feeling conflicted about self-pleasure is surprisingly common. Maybe you enjoy solo sex but then feel a twinge of guilt, worrying it means something is missing with your partner. Experts across psychology and dermatology want you to hear this clearly: there is nothing wrong with masturbation, whether you are single or partnered. In fact, it is a normal part of self-care and body exploration.
Dr Niveditha Manokaran, a dermatologist and venereologist, puts it plainly: “We are in an era where we talk constantly about self-care, self-love, and self-worth. Are we supposed to do all those things only if someone else isn’t giving us that? No. We are meant to take care of our needs and wants, independent of whether someone else is providing for us or not.” Self-pleasure is not a sign of an unsatisfactory sex life—it is about knowing your own body and taking control of your needs.
Still, there are times when solo sex can signal a deeper issue, especially when it intersects with body image concerns or physical discomfort like vaginal dryness. Here are three warning signs that experts say to pay attention to.
Warning sign #1: You feel guilty or ashamed after masturbation
If you are in a relationship, feeling guilty about self-pleasure can quietly erode your confidence. Psychologist Shivika Sahay explains that self-pleasure is completely normal and there is no reason to feel ashamed. In fact, when approached with a healthy mindset, it can even improve intimacy by helping you understand what you enjoy.
“Self-pleasure to an extent actually helps in improving a relationship. It is completely normal and there’s no reason for you to experience any sort of guilt.” — Shivika Sahay, psychologist
If guilt is a recurring feeling, it may be worth exploring where that belief comes from—cultural messages, upbringing, or body image issues. Body image struggles can make you feel disconnected from your own pleasure, as though your body isn’t “worthy” of exploration. Releasing that guilt starts with recognizing that solo sex is a form of self-knowledge, not betrayal.
Warning sign #2: You prefer solo sex to partnered intimacy
Masturbation becomes a concern when it consistently replaces partnered sex rather than complementing it. If you find yourself avoiding your partner and choosing alone time every time, the pattern could signal emotional distance or unresolved body image anxieties.
“All is fair until masturbation starts to affect intimacy between you and your partner,” the experts note. For instance, if you experience more pleasure during solo sex and no longer want to be sexual with your partner, it is time to talk. This doesn’t mean you have to stop masturbating—it means you may need to communicate about what you’re feeling. Sahay suggests incorporating solo play into partnered sessions: “You could masturbate with your partner by using a sex toy. It could really help to spice up your sex life.” The key is frequency and connection, not prohibition.
Warning sign #3: Vaginal dryness persists despite arousal
Vaginal dryness is often discussed in the context of partnered sex, but it also matters during solo play. Occasional dryness is normal and can be addressed with lubricant, but persistent dryness may be a sign of hormonal changes, stress, or body image tension that makes it hard to relax and become fully aroused.
Interestingly, regular masturbation can actually relieve vaginal dryness. Sexual arousal—whether solo or partnered—increases blood flow to the pelvic region and natural lubrication. If you notice that dryness remains a barrier even when you are turned on, consider it a gentle warning to check in with your physical and emotional health. Staying hydrated, using a quality water-based lubricant, and talking to a healthcare provider if dryness is ongoing can all help.
When self-pleasure becomes a positive tool
Far from being a problem, masturbation can be a valuable tool for body confidence and sexual health. It releases dopamine and endorphins, which improve mood and reduce stress, according to clinical psychologist Dr Bhavana Barmi. It also allows you to experience orgasm without the risks of sexually transmitted infections or pregnancy.
If you notice any of the three warning signs above, view them as an invitation to communicate—with yourself and your partner. Use solo exploration to learn what your body enjoys, and then bring that knowledge into your relationship. As one expert puts it: “Use it as a tool to understand your body better, so that you can have pleasurable sex with your partner.”
