Chronic worry has a way of tightening its grip the more we try to fight it. If you find yourself caught in a loop of anxious thoughts, you might be making two very common mistakes that keep that cycle spinning. The good news is that once you see these patterns, you can start to loosen their hold—not by forcing yourself to stop worrying, but by changing how you respond to the worry itself.
Mistake #1: Trying to Suppress or Push Away Worries
When a worrying thought arrives, it’s natural to want to shove it aside. You tell yourself, “Don’t think about that,” or try to distract yourself with work, social media, or a glass of wine. This is called thought suppression, and ironically, it almost always backfires. Research shows that the more you try to push a thought away, the more it bounces back—often stronger than before.
Think of it like holding a beach ball underwater. The moment you relax your arms, it shoots to the surface. The same happens with worries: suppressing them creates a mental rebound effect, making the worry feel more urgent and sticky. Over time, this habit trains your brain to see the worry as a threat that needs constant vigilance, which only deepens the chronic worry cycle.
How to fix it
Instead of suppression, try a practice called cognitive defusion. This is a simple technique from acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) that helps you create a little distance from your thoughts. When a worry shows up, silently label it: “I notice I’m having the thought that [your worry].” Then imagine placing that thought on a leaf floating down a stream, or on a cloud passing by. You’re not trying to get rid of it—you’re just watching it without grabbing hold.
Another approach: set aside a designated “worry time” each day—say, 15 minutes in the late afternoon. When worries pop up outside that window, tell yourself, “I’ll write that down for worry time.” This gives your brain permission to let the thought go temporarily, knowing it will be addressed later.
Mistake #2: Engaging Every Worry as a Problem to Solve
The second mistake is treating every worry like a puzzle that needs an immediate, perfect answer. This is what psychologists call worry-based problem-solving—you endlessly mentally rehearse scenarios, imagine worst-case outcomes, and search for certainty where none exists. This feels productive, but it actually feeds the anxiety because you’re telling your brain that uncertainty is dangerous and must be eliminated.
Chronic worriers often fall into a loop of “what if” questions. What if I lose my job? What if my partner leaves? What if this feeling never goes away? The brain then tries to answer each question, but because life is uncertain, it can never reach a satisfying conclusion. The result is mental exhaustion, more worry, and a shrinking sense of safety.
How to fix it
The fix is to practice tolerating uncertainty on purpose, in small doses. Start by identifying one worry that you tend to mentally solve for. For example, if you worry about your health, instead of googling symptoms for an hour, say to yourself: “I’m going to sit with the uncertainty of not knowing for 10 minutes, and just breathe.” You’re not solving the worry—you’re letting it be there without needing a resolution.
You can also ask a new kind of question: instead of “What if something goes wrong?” try “What if I can handle it, no matter what happens?” This shifts the focus from controlling outcomes to trusting your ability to cope. Over time, your brain learns that uncertainty doesn’t equal danger, and the worry loses its urgency.
A quick tip: When you catch yourself mentally problem-solving a worry, put your hand on your belly and take three slow breaths. This simple act interrupts the cognitive loop and signals safety to your nervous system.
Putting it together
These two mistakes—suppressing worries and trying to solve them—often work together. You push a worry down, it surfaces stronger, and then you start frantically trying to solve it. The cycle feeds itself. The antidote is a mindful, curious approach: notice the worry without pushing it away, and let it exist without trying to resolve it. This doesn’t mean you’ll never worry again, but it does mean that worry will stop running your life.
Small practices repeated daily rewire the brain. The next time chronic worry knocks at your door, try just observing it, breathing, and letting it stay for a while—without taking action. That simple shift can be the beginning of real, lasting change.
